Craig's Worst

intelliegent texters needed!! (seatle)

Well, if you can’t land that sweet writing job, you can always pursue a lucrative career as a “secuity guaud”:

secuity guaud (maryland)

i have studied law when i was younger and graduated junior police cadet program. i am well qualified for this job. please contact me at 301646 xxxx, and i do plan to go back to the police academy in the futur. ANY OUTHE DOCUMENTS YOU NEED , Dont hessiteto call (301)646-xxxx or fax to william boston jr (301 646-xxxx. i would suggest a inteview. Thanks again.

* Location: maryland
* Compensation: 23.40 an hour

Read the original ad here.

Thanks to Tim for the tip!

Wow. Sounds promising. Maybe they could pool resources with the Not Inception crew and actually pay for a writer.

Zero Budget Feature Scripts Needed

We are seeking feature length ultra low budget scripts for a late autumn production. We can not offer payment but you will recieve points on the production.If you want to see your story on screen this may be your chance.

Please Submit-

- action

- suspense

- thriller

- drama

- love

- buddy

- character intensive

-Please submit a synopsis sixty words or less about your script.-

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: no pay

I see they’ve narrowed down the type of film they’d like to make to only seven genres. Or maybe it’s supposed to encompass all of those elements?

Apparently Eric Roberts was not available.

BEST OF THE BEST CONSTRUCTION PROPOSAL WRITER NEEDED (Eastside)

IMMEDIATE NEED

*** If you are the BEST OF THE BEST CONSTRUCTION PROPOSAL WRITER … ***

If you are the BEST OF THE BEST CONSTRUCTION PROPOSAL WRITER who has more than 5 years of recent production experience with (a) large general or specialty contractor(s) and are available to significantly support the fast-track production of a proposal on Tuesday, August 3rd through COB Tuesday, August 10th respond today. Please include a recent sample of your work, 3 professional references who are in the construction industry and who will attest to your exemplary construction proposal writing skills, your resume / CV, contact data, and billable rate(s).

If you are not the best of the best or cannot supply any of the requisite information, please, do not reply.

Read the original Craigslist ad here.

FreeLance Edditor

Yes, I can definitely see a need for one.

Found under “Writing Gigs”. C’mon, folks. Not ALL writers are predators:

Predator for College Show (Los Angeles)

Looking for a Predator to handle a 20 show college type series…Travel to College Campus around the country is necessary
Send Work and Resume ASAP

Location: Los Angeles
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: TBD

Yup, that sounds like an L.A. job.

Read the original ad here.

I think I’ll pass the mic on this one.

GHOSTWRITER NEEDED (NYC)

LOOKING FOR A GHOSTWRITER
IM A PUNCH-LINE RAPPER
STRICTLY AND MAINLY PUNCHLINES
THATS ALL
I NEED SOMEBODY THAT CAN WRITE TWO VERSES STRICTLY RAW PUNCHLINES
WILL BE PAID GREATLY
250
IF YOU DO A GOOD ENOUGH JOB WILL LET YOU WRITE MY WHOLE MIXTAPE
IN NYC BUT FROM THE SOUTH
I WANT TO BE THE SOUTHERN FABOLOUS
IF YOU THINK YOU GOT WHAT IT TAKES THEN HIT ME UP
DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME NOR MINES
PUNCHLINE RAPPER ONLY

Read the whole thing here.

These are my favorite kinds of Cragislist ads: “Hey I can’t write. Can you write a book and let me put my name on it so I can pretend to be literate?”. Let me give you some advice, friendo: if you’ve got “an idea in my head for a book, but don’t know how to put it in words.” that means YOUR IDEA STINKS.

Greetings,

I am working on several books projects and I am looking for someone maybe starting out in the ghost writing / editing business to assist me. The reason I want someone new is because they have a fresh take on this business and have great ideas I have found through experience. I will be publishing these books privately via self publishing and before you roll your eyes let me make something clear to you self publishing is a respectable form of releasing a book. Only difference is that you pay for it instead of being paid but you do earn commission off books sold like anyone else. I have been published one other time and done a book signing in Nevada. My book sold around maybe 100 copies before I had it yanked off the market due to it need to be edited better than it was and honestly it was embarrassing. So this time around I am going to get someone better and for that book I used a “Professional” editor so I am giving someone new a chance.

I write poetry, controversial, biography books and even a series called “Back In My Day” which I will not go into detail about unless a confidentiality agreement is signed. I cannot pay tons of money to anyone for this project due to my costs of paying to publish but it would be a good starting point for those who are new to learn from.

*note* a good portion of my commission after these are published are going to pay my dads medical and help in supporting him which I think other children should do instead of slapping them into retirement *torture* homes.

please feel free to email me if you are interested in this project and all other emails please keep to yourself.

Read the original ad here.

I am so tempted to apply for this job:

Creative writing/role-playing partner needed

Currently seeking to hire a creative writing partner for monthly sessions performed via instant messenger as well as emails. The particular subject matter that I am looking to explore is one known as a “giantess fantasy”. If you are not familiar with this but are open to learning then I am more than happy to coach you into the role. I would prefer my writing partner were female.

Main requirements: fast typing skills, quick-witted creativity, imaginative, verbose/long-winded and descriptive.

The role you’d play would most likely have you playing a very evil, villainess style role. The more cliche villain at times, the better. Perhaps without giving too much away ahead of time, it may help to give an example reference: think a female version of the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk, and that would be a good example of one direction for a giantess character.

“Picture for picture” is not a requirement, and if you’d prefer to remain wholly anonymous (which is something I respect entirely), then I would just ask that you pick an actress to play your role.

Location: Greater NYC Metro area
Compensation: $50 per session, 1 session per month

Read the whole ad here.

Sure, it sounds like the worst job in the history of the universe, but unlike most writing jobs on Craigslist, at least it pays! (thanks to Rachel for the tip!)

Lice Removal Consultants

Lice Knowing You (www.liceknowingyou.com) , Washington’s Premier Head Lice Removal Company is hiring for part-time and full-time head lice consultants to remove head lice in Seattle, Tacoma and surrounding areas. Must be patient, reliable and empathetic. Professionalism is a must. Excellent eyesight and ability to stand on your feet for hours at a time is required. Flexibility and promptness is a must as is your ability to work with all different kinds of people. Must be able to work with children including children with special needs. Experience in retail sales is a plus. This is a great job for moms, teachers, hairdressers, nannies, nurses and other medical professionals looking for a different kind of job that is fun and rewarding. Background in psychology, education or health care/services a plus. Would prefer people who have had some experience with head lice and who have experience working with hair in some capacity. We will provide extensive training and education. Cannot be squeamish in any way.

Read the whole ad (if you dare) here!